Ashley and I break up

(posted Nov 25, 2005) I've received some feedback from Ashley's family and possibly Ashley her self for this post. This was completely expected. I carefully crafted this post and ensured that it did not sound bitter, angry or anything else - because im not in anyway. I don't call her a bitch and i dont humilate her with any morally unsound choices she may have made. I was, on the contrary very gracious and very positive throughout.

Ah, better to have loved and lost, than to enter into a marriage of convenience.

So after almost 4 rollercoaster-esque years Ashley and I are no longer synonymous with eachother's names. As far as I can tell (since she may say something different or I was too dense [more likely] to comprehend all the reasoning) she wanted to be married and I didnt.

Societal Demands Suck
I dunno, am I crazy for not getting married JUST because the relationship has hit the 2 year mark? The 4 year mark? Can't 2 human beings enjoy each other's company and devotion without that?

I didnt really want to marry her knowing that she was just trying to define our relationship in a social status kind of way. I mean, where is it written that [fill in all the bull shit societal demands here.(i.e. Get good grades, do well on SAT, get into good college, graduate, get good job, get married, buy house, have kids, get promotion, move into increasingly nicer homes, have more kids, retire, die)]

Oh well, we sorta disengaged about a month before "it" happened so I was very very OK when she dropped the bomb.

I'm sure there were ways I could've been a better boyfriend and vice versa but all in all, ill say that I am happy with my time with her. She taught me a lot about standing up to people and asking for what you want. I would like to think that I taught her patience and careful word choice when dealing with strangers.

What killed it?
I guess the easiest way to do this is just to list the short reasons and im sure you'll get it - I can't say for sure these were the reasons but they have been identified as possible suspects:

1. age: 28 vs 23
2. upbrining: spartan-like household vs hispanic familial reliance
3. children: didnt want vs wanted someday
4. values: if had kids, would allow to smoke drugs vs no fucking way
5. religion of choice: episcopal or something like it vs Catholic

What was awesome?
The honesty. Plain and simple. It's amazing what you can go through with a person as long as your relationship is grounded in honesty you will have a surprisingly stable path. She taught me brutal honesty. A friend of mine told me that I was very honest and I keep hearing it at work so I guess that part of her rubbed off on me. The sex was pretty great too. I think it was an enabler for how long we lasted in the first place.

Nicknames: All my life my name has been odd enough to stop people from trying to come up with little nicknames. She actually came up with 5: Beh-neets, Beh-Sniggets, Sniggets, Snigs, and Benegro

How we met
I was working at Gordon's Jewelers (Zales' sister store) and she came in as the Christmas time manager. "I'm Ashley and I'm your new boss" She was a bitch hardcore man. After 3 months we were fucking in the back room. Never thought I would do that, EVER! It was so outta character for me but man it was fun.

Sadly she was technically married. She and her husband were in the throws of a divorce. I guess in a way she used me to help separate mentally from him or something like that - help me out psychology majors.

There alot of stuff in between and tons of photos documenting most of it.

Like I said, i dont regret any of my time with her but i am also happy with my newly acquired "single" status.

Cheers!
Benito